Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Human Evolution - Very Funny

Women after all

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,' Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

 

 

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

 

 

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

 

 

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

 

 

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives and girlfriends; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

 

 

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?


Chanakya Neethi - 16 Famous Sayings by Chanakya

16 Famous Sayings by Chanakya

 

1) "Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!"  -  Chanakya

 

2)"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first." -  Chanakya

 

3)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
- Chanakya

 

4)"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you." - Chanakya

 

5)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth." -  Chanakya

 

6)" Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, what the results might be and will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
- Chanakya

 

7)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it." -  Chanakya

 

8)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."  -  Chanakya

 

9)"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."  -  Chanakya

 

10)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."  -  Chanakya

 

11)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."  -  Chanakya

 

12) "A man is great by deeds, not by birth."  -  Chanakya

 

13) "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."   - Chanakya

 

14) "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."  - Chanakya

 

15) "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person." - Chanakya

 

16) "Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."  - Chanakya

 


Arithemetic and Mathematic between Man and a Woman

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Awesome Photography




Can you imagine being in position to get one of these photos?

One in a billion moments photography.








WOW

Monday, June 15, 2009

Management Stories






 

MANAGEMENT STORIES

 

 

Story # 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.



Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.


Management Lesson
In the context of the working world :

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.


Story # 2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"

Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene :
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.



Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT.




Monday, June 8, 2009

Too Romantic

Don't be too romantic

U never know what might Hit you.....

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What a sad joke :(

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."

Funny Gabbar Singh

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2


Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai


Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.


Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata


Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 AA sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.


Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.


Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar Maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

Xcellent Creations !!! Funny......





 



Salary theorem

This Theorem Is Very Effective